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April 20, 2018, 12:01:22 am

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Author Topic: Gift dilemma  (Read 86 times)
Mr Angry
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Posts: 1515


« on: April 14, 2018, 06:10:54 am »

Righto, agony aunts and uncles, solve a problem for me.
My wife's sister sent me a belated birthday present today.  It's some quite expensive, heavily perfumed shampoo of an obviously feminine ilk.  Now I am slightly bald, and the remaining hair is cropped with clippers to a number 2 stubble.
I suspect she has sent me someone else's present and one of her girlfriends has got my Porsche, but obviously cannot call her and suggest this in case she really thinks my "hair" would benefit from extra bounce and lustre, and that indeed I would relish going into my overwhelmingly masculine workplace smelling like Barbare Cartland's handbag. 
I have to call and thank her somehow, anyone suggest how I sound sincere?
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Don't believe everything you think.
TGK
Full Member
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Posts: 387

Sex, Drugs and Sausage rolls.


« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2018, 10:02:36 pm »

It goes something like this....

"Thanks for my shampoo, you know I have a shaved head, so there's one of three things that have happened here...

1. You sent me the wrong the gift by mistake.
2. You were taking the piss.
3. It's a pubic shampoo and you weren't to know that the shaving didn't stop 'upstairs'*.

If you answer anything other than '1' then you need to know at the absolute next opportunity to buy you a gift, I'll take over from the wife who usually does the female gift buying, and you'll be getting a butt-plug, and it won't be one of those small 'cute' ones that have a tail. And I won't be stretching (that's ironic) for lube either.

Either way sort it out, and buy me a Scalextric forthwith"

No need to thank me. I share the gift of wisdom freely.

*You say this to your wife's sister, because the very notion of describing the state of your nether regions to her will be so awkward, it will immediately put her on the back foot and have her foundering like a kitten in a sack full of rocks recently thrown overboard. The Scalextric is as good as yours, you can basically name your price.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2018, 10:27:18 pm by TGK » Logged
Weyland
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Posts: 23214



« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2018, 03:38:08 am »

Sublime. I thought me pants would never dry.
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"Theresa May’s determination to pursue hard Brexit = stepping off a 10m diving board without checking there is any water in the pool."
First-Time-Ever Department: The UK is negotiating with the rest of the EU in order to secure a worse trade deal than we already have.
vladimir
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Posts: 3221



« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2018, 10:05:50 am »

Personally, I'd  ask your wife to call her sister and ask (as if you had nothing to do with the prompt) "Did you intentionally get my predominately bald husband shampoo as a birthday gift?" allowing your sister-in-law the opportunity to say, "Oops!  That was meant for my friend who possesses a full head of hair" or alternatively, "Yes.  I hate your husband but I thought this was subtle enough to be upsetting and confusing all at the same time."

More importantly, because it is your wife simply asking her own sister for confirmation, it doesn't look like you being ungrateful.   
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A wise man said, "You can't step in the same stream twice," but I find wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit.  That's very unpleasant, especially between the toes.  So when I go for a stroll I stay on the sidewalk.
Mr Angry
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Posts: 1515


« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2018, 04:24:28 am »

OK, so I've been the victim of a bet, not sure if I should be flattered or not.  Sister in law out with her friend (who doesn't know me) looking for b'day prezzy for me.  SiL telling friend how I am the most gentlemanly gentleman she knows, polite, mannered etc. etc.  Friend says bollocks, nobody's that nice, buy him this wildly inappropriate fancy shampoo and see what he says.  Friend bets I'll come back with WTF is this all about, SiL reckons I'll say thanks, it's lovely.
So I called her, said I found the gift slightly odd, but tried it and am delighted with the results, my stubble is lovely and soft and shiny and smells slightly of cucumbers in a very not offensive way (this is all, surprisingly, trueish) and well done her for taking the path less travelled.
Test passed, bet won, proceeds on their way to me in the shape of something more appropriate, I am told. 
So who wants this butt plug Gordo told me to buy for her?
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Don't believe everything you think.
vladimir
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Posts: 3221



« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2018, 09:17:51 am »

Well done then.... I guess
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A wise man said, "You can't step in the same stream twice," but I find wet feet soon get caked with sand and grit.  That's very unpleasant, especially between the toes.  So when I go for a stroll I stay on the sidewalk.
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